BY: JOE KONZE JR.
The last time the Buffalo Bills were 7-2 Jim Kelly was throwing zingers to Pete Metzelaars, Bruce Smith was wreaking havoc on AFC quarterbacks and Thurman Thomas was rumblin’, fumblin’, and stumblin’, his way into the end zone.
To help celebrate the Bills’ current success. We at Trainwreck Sports thought we’d throw together a playlist of songs from 1993. We hope you enjoy them as you travel back in time.
- “Whoomp (There It Is!) – Tag Team: Picture this… You’re in the parking lot of Rich Stadium, it’s 39 degrees, and the Bills are set to take on Dan Marino and the Miami Dolphins in an AFC East matchup. Things are a little hazy, and from a few of those Labatt Blue’s, you crushed earlier on in the tailgate. Your friend notices you might pass out. He grabs his Vintage 1993 RCA boom box, pops in this little rectangular, plastic object, and pushes play. WHOOMP (There It Is!) you’ve found your second wind. It’s game time!
- “Nuthin’ But A G Thang” – Dr. Dre: One, two, three and to the fo’, Jim Kelly and Andre Reed connected for six more… You’re now crowd surfing through section 133 in your red, white and blue zubaz, long free-flowing hair and a TY B style mustache. The Bills are up 28-7, and Marino is now crying for a flag on every drive. Life is good.
- “I Get Around”- 2Pac: The Bills are trying to run the clock out just before the half, and the Thurmanator takes a handoff from Kelly and gets around the right side of the offensive line. He falls forward for a Bills first down. TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK round and round, round the clock goes. The Labatt Blue’s are starting to kick in, and the party shows no signs of stopping.
- “Rebirth of Slick (Cool Like That)- Digable Planets: With a 28-7 lead coming out of the locker room, the Bills are set to receive the second half kick-off. Kick returner Russell Copeland takes a kick from Dolphins kicker Paul Stoyanovich and turns on the jets and blows by two levels of the Dolphins special teams unit. He makes his way to the 50-yard line because he’s “cool like that.” Great return. Bills by 100.
- “Hey Jealousy”- Gin Blossoms: It’s late in the third quarter, and the Bills’ defense is mauling Marino and Co. Marino drops back to pass and forces a pass into double coverage. It’s picked off by Bills cornerback Nate Odomes. Your brand new Labatt Blue you just bought has spilled all over the group in front of you. You look out on the field, and Marino throws his helmet in disgust. The past is gone, but something might be found to take its place. That something is the Bills. Hey Jealousy, Marino.
- “Dream Lover”- Mariah Carey: Would it be a 90s playlist without the likes of Mariah Carey? Here at Trainwreck Sports, we are huge stans of Mariah Carey… Sorry, Nick Cannon. Anyway, after a long, drawn-out TV timeout, the Bills have the ball on the Dolphins 20-yard line. It’s 28-20, and the Bills have a chance to go up two scores. You say to yourself, “I don’t want another pretender to disillusion me one more time. Whispering words of forever. Playing with my mind.” Just as you finish that, thought, Jim Kelly sends a screaming bullet pass over the middle to non-other than tight end Pete Metzelaars. The extra point is good; the Bills now lead 35-20. Baby come take me away.
- “I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That)- Meatloaf: With a 35-20 lead and the Dolphins taking over at their own 20-yard after a solid touchback kick by Bills’ kicker Steve Christie, the atmosphere at Rich Stadium is electric. Just as you are about to lock in for this drive, someone taps you on the shoulder. It’s a Dolphins fan offering you a free beer. You think to yourself. He’s probably trying to make amends with Bills fans because his team sucks. Just as you are about to reach for the beer, your conscious kicks in and says, I would do anything for beer… But I won’t do that.” You tell the Dolphins, “Take a hike. Your team sucks. GO BILLS!”
- “Insane in the Brain”- Cypress Hill: Things are now starting to get crazy in section 133 with a little over eight minutes to play in the game. On third-and-12, Marino drops back to pass, and he is thrown like a rag doll to the ground by, you guessed it, defensive end Bruce Smith. The loud bellowing sound of BRUUUUUUUUUUCE reverberates throughout Rich Stadium. WHO YOU TRYIN’ TA MESS WITH MARINO? DON’T YOU KNOW HE’S LOCO?!
- “Mr. Jones”- Counting Crows: It’s still 35-20 with seven minutes left in the game. The Bills go three-and-out, and the Dolphins take over from their own 15-yard line. All-day, the defense has been in Marino’s face, and it wouldn’t hurt for another turnover. Marino takes the snap, drops back, and scans the field. He fires and Mr. Jones, Henry Jones, SHA, LA, LA, LA LA, LA, LA, MMM, UH HUH, intercepts Marino. I think at this point it’s safe to say, pass me a bottle, Mr. Jones. BILLIEVE in me, this game is over.
- “What is Love”- Haddaway: As the Bills run the clock out, a feeling of excitement engulfs your body. A 35-20 win over the Miami Dolphins?! In this economy?! you say to yourself as you slap hands with your friends and other Bills fans in your section. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, oh, oh. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, oh, oh; What is love? Baby, a Bills win. Life is good.
The Sports Desk can be reached at editorialtrainwrecksports@gmail.com
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