*This article is satire. Information in this article is fictitious, however similar it may be to real events. Accounts from public figures and businesses mentioned by name are invented. Any parallels found to actual people, businesses, and events is purely coincidental.*
Butch “Meany Face” McGavin on the verge of dropping absolute heat towards his teammates. (Credit: Gettys Images)
BUFFALO, NY – In a desperate move to reverse their newfound success, the Buffalo Bills signed a five-star cyber-troll this Friday.
Butch “Meany Face” McGavin, hailing from one of the local WNY middle schools, has long been touted as “THE Troll of Twitter” by scouts familiar with his work. “This guy is trolling at a collegiate level,” said one unnamed scout.
The local 6th grader made a name for himself after getting two likes on a tweet calling one of his friends a “doo-doo head” and suggesting account deletion for holding a different opinion on the polarizing “pizza for school lunch” topic.
“We felt like we were missing a piece of the puzzle,” said HC Sean McDermott, “it was like things were going ~too~ well. We need some drama to be a real contender in the NFL.”
Butch was not available for an in-person comment and instead provided his first lesson to the team by absolutely blasting his new colleagues on Twitter and rapid-firing hot takes, like:
“Josh Allen is a below average QB no cap”
“Stefan Diggs is ~digging~ his career’s grave being at this trash team haha get it?”
“Chicken wings should go with ranch ONLY”
Butch is poised to have a break-out, albeit controversial, rookie season.