Disclaimer: The Real Housewives are superstars. It’s fair to say that mathematically it’s just as difficult to become a Real Housewive on BRAVO as it is to play professional sports, if not moreso. For these reasons, my analysis of RHONY and RHOBH will reflect their stature.

Power Rankings Following Episode 2

1. Luann 2. Leah McSweeney 3. Ramona Singer 4. Sonja Morgan 5. Eboni Williams

The theme for this episode is transparency because while some of these cast members try to go opaque in conversations…there’s more than a few situations where you can see right through them.

We start with everyone recapping the Burning Man night from last week. It’s comforting to me that even though these ladies just threw themselves a party costing tens of thousands of dollars, they aren’t above the college hangover vibe. Luann goes to snatch a file from Eboni and we see our first consult of the eppy.

Luann talks to Eboni about leaving the party and how pulling an “Irish goodbye” isn’t a good idea with the small group. This is a real friend telling hard truths, and I think it’s a good sign for Eboni’s longevity with the show. This heartwarming moment is perfectly complemented by a montage of Ramona being clueless and borderline disrespectful to her hospitality assistants. The countess puts a bow on it: “We all have our faults, Ramona seems to have more” -Luann

As the ladies get ready for a day on the vineyard, Ramona critiques Leah’s print outfit…then of course, changes to a print outfit right when they are getting in the car. She says its because it became 95 degrees out of nowhere but its doesn’t look anymore comfortable. Like we mentioned at the beginning…transparency.

Now I’ll admit that I’m a nooob when it comes to the RHONY but seeing the flashbacks of LuAnn getting all out of sorts because she wasnt introduced as Mrs. De Lepps was hysterical. Now that her brand is more cemented, she doesn’t have to beacon as hard and we all get that.

Factions forming BIG TIME on this trip. Luann and Sonja are Gallows and Anderson while Leah and Eboni are the Young Bucks. Not sure where this lands Ramona. Jericho? Very tough.

At this point Leah, who is probably pissed about Ramona’s wardrobe switcheroo, decides to go after her news stories about donating plasma with COVID antibodies. Ramona shows this isn’t her first rodeo and replies: “I don’t like arguing with you” which when she’s getting called out is a great line lol.

If you want to see real development within our characters look at Eboni. Eboni has a “whatchugonna do” about the Ramona situation and it is priceless.

Ramona reacts to all of this… with diarrhea. I wish I could write a bit for this but I just realized that if one of your friends is trying to embarrass you or call you out, nothing stops them like diarrhea. Diarrhea is the ultimate goal line defense.

“You know what I’m guilty of?” “Opening my house to her” LMAO even with diarrhea, Ramona still spitting that fiiiiiiire.

But on the flippity flip, that’s what makes Leah so great, the housewives say they want it to be real but they don’t want it to be trill. Trill is what Leah and Eboni bring to the table which I think makes them a great FOIL with the OGs.

We now have a second consecutive episode with screaming emotion, for basically no reason. Might be another theme to keep an eye on.

Sonja with not a lot of swagger getting flustered by a buzzed bald dude hitting on her, step it up Sonja ur a commodity. And now it makes sense, Sonja is beyond hammered.

Garth finally gets his intro. Everyone thinks he’s hot apparently. Tall blonde dudes got it made.

The girls then go on a shopping spree which seems to elate and unite the team. The only bonding greater than them shopping would be them singing Mariah Carey’s ‘All I Want for Christmas’ Just when you think it’s smooth sailing: Heather?!?!?!

Eboni then pulls one of the most likable moves a housewife has ever pulled… remarking that she was a former Hooters employee. Storytime: when we went to the jacksonville playoff game Saturday night we went out at jacksonville landing which was a mob scene…went to hooters where we waited for two hours and didn’t get an item of food. Tough.

“Sonja is drinking more than she should. Trouble is on the way”
-Ramona, knowing

Oh shit Heather isn’t walking into a storm she’s walking into a lions den. These ladies want to have her come so they can call her out, they are truly one of a kind.

“Too big is just a nuisance”
-Sonja Morgan (and the crowds rejoiced)

Luann gets triggered by being at a nice bar, totally fair and she copes with it with a cigarette. Don’t see an issue even tho Leah does. #FakeRosé #Mocktails

Leah putting a bib on Sonja>>>

Least surprising thing ever: Ramona asking “why would we wanna cancel, culture?”

Sonja gets hammered and facetimes her bae after Luann does…Sonja points out that stocks are going up and the poor are getting poorer. If her BAC wasn’t higher then dogecoin then she’d have a lot more legitimacy tbh cuz her points are fire.

Eboni playing the role of the audience “not my normal jam, but I’m intrigued”

“There comes a point where the alcohol stops working.”
-Leah

Sonja continues to drunk-facetime her bae, Eboni tries to intervene and compliment him to distract from her behavior… Sonja’s bae works for Chase and Ramona says Wells Fargo has better rates lmfao

Sonja starts yelling at Ramona as the episode ends.

Next Week looks like we are: #GettingGarth

Power Rankings After RHONY Season 13 Episode 3

1. Luann 2. Eboni Williams 3. Leah McSweeney 4. Sonja Morgan 5. Ramona Singer

(probably the toughest rankings yet)